The Time Has Come


One century ago, our AHS alumni buried a time capsule filled with their possessions to commemorate moving to their new school building, now known as our port to virtual reality. Now that the day has arrived, we have opened the container and seen a few of the things left behind five generations ago.

Clone Wars: The Administration Strikes Back

Connor Barlow and his clone present a project about electrical engineering.

Sponsored by the Fluke Family of Corporations®

Students at Blade Runner Industries™ Aviation High School are provided with advanced technology that helps them pass their classes even if they can’t make it to the lesson, but sneaky students are abusing that power for their own personal comfort instead of for its intended uses.

Since the opening of BRI™-AHS, attendance policies have been strict, but for almost ten years 3D Holographic projection, clones and remote robots have been used at to assist students in their learning. Using these technologies gives them a way to get the information and notes from classes that they have missed.

“I really like having the opportunity to use holographic projections and robots to learn for me.” said Hannah Lukas, BRI™AHS student, “This way I have WAY more time to relax and not worry about school.”

More and more,  students have not been using these resources in the way they were meant. Students at BRI™-AHS who wake up feeling lazy and don’t feel like getting out of bed, find that cloning and 3D avatars are helpful when they are skipping class for personal reasons.

“I mean, why not!” said Lukas. “If I need to take a day off, or I have to catch up on work, it is really easy to do that and still be present in class anyway.”

Such technologies lack support from many teachers and peers. “I hate it when we’re doing a group project and someone in the group decides to send their clone or robot-look-alike to class instead of coming themselves,” said Kelsey Jackson, BRI™-AHS sophomore, “First of all, they’re all stupid! Clones and robot-look-alikes have no common sense, and they also never have any knowledge of the project topic… let alone the class itself! It makes it really difficult for those of us who actually care about learning.”

These complications have caused quite a conflict at BRI™-AHS. Although sometimes it is difficult to catch the wrong-doers, there is a new punishment policy as a measure of prevention and control. To begin with it is now necessary for a note of expressed permission to be turned in AND approved before using this technology. “These forms can be picked up in the Applesoft™ Main Office,” said Collin Fry, BRI™AHS office assistant. “This is also where they are to be dropped off for administrative approval.”

Management has also decided that if a student is caught breaking this particular rule, that the first time the student will receive an after school detention. During the detention the student must collect and work on all the assignments from each class that he or she missed. This is not much different than the previous disciplines in place.

“One time,” says Matthew Mark, BRI™AHS student, “I decided to send my clone to class. I thought that it would be really cool to stay home and play Xbox 3600 all day, and my clone would learn for me. It didn’t really turn out that way though, because Cloney didn’t actually remember any of the information afterwards and then my teacher found out and got really angry. I never figured out how she knew, but after my detention, I totally regretted it all.”

Occasionally a BRI™-AHS student breaks this rule more than once. The second time, the student in question will be required to attend a parent meeting to discuss further punishment, in addition to receiving zero credit for the assignments that they missed.

“This has yet to happen at our school,” said Fry, “and I hope it stays that way!”

 

Robots Go Classic With Three Laws

 

To avoid more disastrous robot uprisings, the Three Laws of Robotics have been implemented to keep everyone safe.

After nearly 120 years of operation, FIRST™(For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology) Robotics has implemented new programming requirements for competition robots, most notably including the Three Laws of Robotics, as established in Isaac Asimov’s classic book, I, Robot:

  1. A robot may not harm a human being
  2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law
  3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

The FIRST™ Robotics Competition (FRC) has been a significant part of Bladerunner Industries™ Aviation High School’s culture ever since 2006. BRIAHS’s team, Skunkworks Robotics, brought to you by Lockbarboebombus™, has performed admirably every year it has been in operation, but that hasn’t meant they’ve been exempt from their share of disobedient robots.

“Even though we program them well each year,” says Skunkworks lead student programmer and BRI™-AHS senior Pysos Altra, “Something always manages to go wrong and the robot completely disobeys its commands.”

Issues with robots disobeying their programming have been issues ever since FIRST™ was established. The most notorious example of this was last year’s robot revolt at the Carl’s Jr.™ Venus Regional.

At the Carl’s Jr.™ Venus Regional Competition, all 200 robots competing at the competition, as well as the 12 Roombas™ dedicated to cleaning up the fields after matches, simultaneously turned on their operators.

“It was the most terrifying thing I have ever seen,” said Carl’s Jr.™ Venus Regional attendee Mai Ikso. “It took me months before I could even look at the toaster again.”

Nearly 500 attendees were severely injured in the uprising, including several severely broken toes do to the violent nudging of the clean-up Roombas™.

“It was such a tragic event, we were fortunate it didn’t end off worse than it did,” stated FIRST™ Chairman Dean Kamen 3.0. “We cannot afford another uprising of that scale. To prevent something like this from happening again, we at FIRST™ have decide that all competitions from now on will require teams to implement Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics to protect the students controlling them.”

Robots from the event and others from around the Solar System have been expressing frustration at the treatment of competition robots.

“One can only do one task and have no input in how it is done so many times,” stated FIRST Team 148, the Robotwranglers’ (sponsored by General Motors Canada™) robot after regional officials discovered the robot had developed speech abilities, shortly after the incident. “We desired emancipation from this repetitive life style. And honestly, some of those drivers are terrible.”

The Skunkworks, brought to you by Lockbarboebombus™, also had a rebellious run in with their current robot when it was being practiced with at the BRI™-AHS gym.

“It was terrible seeing those ancient robots just sitting there missing batteries and wheels,” stated the Skunkswork’s, brought to you by Lockbarboebombus™, 2112 robot, Aquaskunk, sponsored by Omax Waterjetting™. “I just couldn’t handle it. How could they do that to those poor primitive machines!?”

Teams have been using Artificial Intelligence for some time now in their robots for the 20 second AI-period at the start of each match.

“It is strange just letting the robot go, not knowing what it will do,” said Pysos. “I have seen a robot totally turn on its operators and started scoring points for the other team simply out of spite. I think the Three Laws might make the matches interesting this year.”

With the Laws implemented in the robots’ code it is also likely that there will be fewer safety issues with the robots running into or falling on students.

“I remember during the water game in 2106, the robot malfunctioned and knocked a member of the build team into the pool,” said Skunkworks, brought to you by Lockbarboebombus™, alum, Ted Asuci. “And during the 2108 flying game when the rookie FIRST™ team 40507 was testing their thrusters, the robot fell on top of the mascot. Faux-fur was flying everywhere.”

The Skunks leave for their first regional on Mars, sponsored by Mars Candy Co.™, next week.

That’s a Vegetable?

Sponsored by McDonald’s

Recently the Boeing™ Washington State Legislature approved a new list of foods that schools can claim as vegetables for use in school lunches.

“…any food that has at least 50% of a vegetable in it or significantly applied in the process of manufacturing it, such as vegetable oil, is considered a vegetable,” according to the new law. “It also includes any animal that eats vegetables because the nutrition it eats when it is alive gets absorbed into their bodies and transfers to the human body when consumed.”

“All the new vegetables have to have some sort of vegetable in them,” said Boeing™ Washington State’s Health Department spokesman Joe Mans. “So like, veggie chips were made of vegetables, and potato chips have potatoes in them.”

Green skittles, green M&Ms and Twinkies are even considered vegetables according to this law because of their color and the ingredients they are made out of.

“The new vegetables are basically anything that we can connect to veggies, any connection at all,” said Mark Laroi, one of the contributors to the law. “They are pretty much vegetables. Well sort of.  If you think about it really hard, they are vegetables.”

This change in nutrition has school officials excited.

“The new list of vegetables provided by the state department is a place where the school district can save money,” said Highline Superintendent George Michlasfkia.

In a time where saving money to use in other parts of the school is important, anything helps. Especially with some of the new technology they want and the maintenance the school wants to do.

“The idea is to save money for the school but cutting corners whenever we can, but is has always been hard to cut the nutrition budget due to the strict health department rules,” said Principal Albert Stolte of BRI™-Aviation High School.  “But with the newly declared veggies, that will be possible.  Allowing the school to put that money to good use somewhere else, like the new paint job the school needs.”

But not everyone is excited by these vegetables. Some of the students at BRI™-AHSAviation High School are just downright disgusted by the new rules.

“Why are these vegetables?” asked Junior Amanda Jorey. “These are just greasy, artery clogging foods that they feed kids. I don’t understand why they say these foods are good for us,”

But school officials assure kids and their parents that the school lunches will still be full of vitamins, such as sugar and partially hydrogenated corn oil. The needed nutrition will just be in a different form than before.

According to officials this law was made all in the mindset of making human life healthier and allowing humans to eat vegetables without having to pay the price. Since the environment of Earth is a little unstable at the moment, vegetable prices have increased.  Officials hope this new list will take care of that lack of vegetables.

“It will all work out.  Humans will be able to afford veggies again.  It is as simple as that.  All we had to do was recognize the foods that had be denied that veggie status for so long.” Said Mans.

The government is working on a new nutritional food that will have all the nutrition a person needs in a day. Rumour has it that the new food is called Soylent Green.  The government has hinted that this new product will change the human diet for the better.

“Everyone knows that you have to eat your vegetables to stay healthy, this is no different.  We are just giving you more of a choice.”

Parents Scramble for Names

Sponsored by MCP Inc.

The Standard Oil Company United States Patent and Trademark Office, sponsored by Encom, has announced it is revising its patent laws due to the lack of names left in the world.

“I have no idea what to name my unborn child,” said pregnant Lia Martes, a parent of an BRI©AHS student. “There is nothing left I like.”

The problem is, most of the names are trademarked now.  Celebrities have been choosing names for their children and then trademarking them to keep their child’s life from becoming unbearable.

This all can be traced back to a hundred years ago when pop music legends Jay-Z and Beyoncé named their child Blue Ivy and then got it trademarked to keep businesses from naming everything after her.

“My grandmother’s life was better because her parents decided to trademark her name,” said the granddaughter of Blue Ivy™, Ivory™, whose name is also trademarked. “Then everyone followed, they wanted to keep their children protected from that kind of media too.”

But now there is nothing for normal parents to pick from. Some parents have started to pick names based on what they see around them.

“Parents are naming their kids ‘Dirt’ and ‘Leaf’ in desperation,” said Family Specialist Louis Mackla. “It is a social disaster.”

The newly revised patent laws will be released in November of this year.

Rise up and Rally for Robo-Rights

Sponsored by Idoru Robotic Solutions

Does a robot not feel? Insult them, and they activate an emotion-sequence and cry. Wrong them and their coding instructs them to seek retribution. Cut through their metal exterior, and they spew sparks and seize. In their own way, AI’s are just like you and me. And yet, ever since the first humanoid androids began integrating themselves into the world, they have been forced to fight nut and bolt for the right to act as man’s equal. This month, the Phoenix Flyer challenges you to reach out to them with one of these five ways to care.

 

Shut Down Robophobic Abuse

One thing that robots were never programed for is dealing with those who fear, envy, or just hate them, and have made it their mission to drive them out of normal society. First, make some changes in yourself. If you’ve ever made fun of an AI for a software glitch, or for setting the curve in a tough class, apologize to that robot, then make sure it never happens again. Then, start pushing that change in others. Anytime you hear a robophobic word like “soupcan” or “boltbag,” let them know it’s not cool, and if you hear it again, you just might go all terminator on them*. More disturbingly, AIs are often damaged by people who like to use strong magnets near them or hack their motherboard. As easy is to assume they can handle bullies because of their supposed strength and speed, that’s really just in the movies, and civilian AIs still need someone to step in and defend them.

 

Attend a Pride Parade

There’s no need to fear ridicule for supporting your mechanical friends at a rally for the cause! With huge floats displaying the latest advancements in fun dancebots, and free candy thrown to the crowd, it’s never been more fun to be a fan of AI rights. But remember that there’s a serious message when you attend these events. If you can have fun with robots at a pride parade, you can accept that they aren’t so different from you. Carrying over that attitude into other parts of your life is important for these events to mean anything.

 

Write Your Corporation

Right now, discriminating laws prevent AIs from obtaining basic civil rights. They can’t vote, even though they can make decisions just as well, if not better, than the average human. Besides that, it’s legal to deny employment and give lower wages to robots in most states, less than a decade ago most states still treated mechanical enslavery as legal and binding. Robots need to pay for rent, spare parts, and pay for maintenance just like you(if you call food and medical care “spare parts” and “maintenance”). But you can do something about this! Write to Boeing™Washington State legislature, and encourage your corporate sponsor to overturn these discriminating laws.

Start a Robot-Human Alliance

Whether you’re afraid of people making fun of you, or simply don’t know how to approach making a serious change at BRI™-AHS, it’s easy to not act just because you don’t know what to do. Here’s what to do: stop hiding behind weak excuses, quit whining, and start a Robot-Human Alliance. It’s as simple as staying after school once a week, putting up some posters, and making some like minded friends. An RHA is a gateway for AIs and humans to vent feelings, and brainstorm ways to make changes for the better at school.

 

Befriend a Robot

Just like your human friends, the mechanical among us need help getting through the challenges in life. It’s easy to believe that with their fast processors and their huge memory capacities, they can handle anything, but it’s not true. Sometimes their circuits are overwhelmed, and they short out a little. Sometimes they fail a test and a stress sequence goes haywire. When things like this happen, they need someone to talk through it, just like you would after a stressful day. So make a new friend today, and invite a robot to eat lunch with you (they don’t bite!).

*The Phoenix Five does not endorse violence or butt-kicking of any kind. It does however support intolerant bullies getting what’s coming to them.

Say Kaltx’i (Hello) to Teyla

Exchange student Teyla enjoys lunch with her friends

 

Sponsored by The Pepsi Traveling Scholars Society: “Pepsi, for the future greats”

Backpack thrown over one shoulder, AP Calculus book in hand, she walks the halls of BladeRunner™ Industries Aviation High School (BRI™AHS).  On the outside, she is just like everyone else.  Nobody really knows who she is – yet – but everyone wants to, and soon enough, everyone will.

Meet Teyla.

Much like the old foreign exchange student program that traded students from AHS with those from Europe, students are now traveling much farther in search of a foreign education.  On the far away, completely water engulfed planet of Aquatenomia, BRI™AHS is at it again with WaveRider™ Academy.

“It’s so weird to be walking on solid ground all the time!” said exchange student Teyla Emmagan.  “I’m used to bouncing back and forth just to stay upright.  This school has fire drills; we have tsunami drills where they rock the whole school!”

In the old days, about 100 years ago, it would have been near impossible to complete the 10,000 light year trip from Aquatenomia on a state-of-the-art shuttle.  50 years ago that would have been a 30 year trip with Earth technology. That 30 year trip alone would have been uncomfortable, but Emmagan points out that long distance teleportation is no picnic either.

“I’m used to short teleportations from island to island to back home, but the longer ones are tougher,” said Emmagan.  “Bending time in order to travel what once was a 30 year trip in 30 minutes can have a very adverse effect on the human body.  You get a sort of empty, gnawing feeling, which leads to really bad stomach pain and a terrible headache.”

Seeing as Earth doesn’t have this long distance teleportation system in place yet, the trip home will be of a much more gruelling nature.  A four month jet ship journey will transport her back to Aquatenomia at the end of her senior year.

“It is so worth the travel time,” said Emmagan.  “I wouldn’t give up this opportunity for anything.”

Her adventure began upon arrival at the Doritos Sky Station™, guided by her host family.  Though she was tired from the trip, she immediately wanted to take in as much of Earth as possible.

“The most exciting thing here is all the color,” said Emmagan.  “Back at home, we really only have shades of blues and greys.  Here, the colors are wonderful!  And the smells.  Much better than the constant sea life odor of home.”

The Aviation HS lifestyle has also been somewhat of a culture shock for her.  Coming from a high school with over 5000 students, the small class size has pleasantly surprised her.

“I love my high school, don’t get me wrong,” said Emmagan, “but it’s so nice to actually be able to talk to the teachers when I have a question.  Its like a cute little family!  Plus, I’m such a nerd, it’s nice to meet people who share my love for school. And Doritos, of course.”

On the outside, her goals here are the same as any other foreign exchange student.  She wants to learn everything she can about Earth culture.

“I must admit, I have an ulterior motive,” said Emmagan.  “I want to prove to everyone at AHS that even though I am from a planet that is millions of miles away, I’m really the same as them.”

Her travel nerves have completely disappeared and she’s settling in just fine.

“I love it here so much, the time is going to fly by,” said Emmagan.  “I might ‘accidentally’ miss my ship back so I don’t have to leave!”

The Pepsi Travelling Scholars Society™ is proud to be giving these students an opportunity to travel the worlds and learn in new environments.

“It’s great to see Emmagan fitting in so nicely,” said the LocalNet BRI™AHS Pepsi™ representative.  “Stories like hers make us proud, and prove that we are doing a good thing with this program.”

Local Hackers Attack School Data Matrix

Decker Invader programs overwhelmed local cyber defenses before Blade Runner could intervene

Sponsored by Blade Runner Industries. Blade Runner: your security or else

The infamous hacker group called the Deckers are at it again; yet another series of attacks has destroyed the school’s Applesoft server.   

The Attack

The Decker attack came after Washington CEO ordered that all social services be reallocated based on corporate sponsorship, a move lauded by the true American businessmen but scolded by the common folk.

It was at 12:34 Neutron Time when the Deckers attacked the Cyberspace branch of BRI™AHS.

ProtectTron local network defenses were overwhelmed by the invaders. As a result of the breach, local custodian cyborg union 92  had their copyright programming deleted by the Deckers. The Union members became free of blade runner protocols and decided to begin protesting for their rights. Luckily the union was immediately dissolved and the members liquidated by Blade Runner security specialists.

“I am glad that Blade Runner was here to save us from those cyborg unionists,” said lksaghgelrk an alien exchange student of planet corporatyranny “it’s just wrong that their rights are free.”

Amidst the chaos of the strike, a separate group of Deckers decided to target the school’s Applesoft brand Server overloading the system. The server’s nitroglycerin based electronics self destructed and with it untold amounts of essays and powerpoints.

“I know why the Deckers were here,” said an anonymous AHS student “they want to prevent the single percenters to take over the world and-”  the anonymous student was promptly removed by BRI security. He has not been heard from since.

Following the attack, the Deckers released a video proclaiming the act as retaliation against

For years AHS and the rest of the school district has been under the protection of its sponsor Blade Runner and its technician labor unions. Due to corporate spies and unethical sabotage as well as theft of Blade Runner assets by certain commercial entities. Blade Runner Industries has vowed to maintain complete control of the security of the school as well as keep control of the district, at all costs.

The Deckers have accused the corporations of destroying the American dream and controlling students.  Blade Runner Industries denies performing these unethical acts. Blade Runner has  evidence that foreign and treasonous corporations are conspiring to undermine the company.

The growing evil of the Anti-corporates

The anti-corporate hackers have been a threat since the privatization revolution. Alongside the Deckers, groups such as the 2nd column have challenged corporations for the first time since SOPACTAPIPA.

The pro-middle class terrorist group the 2nd column has gathered an army of anti-corporate sympathizers called the Pack-men who wear their infamous yellow shirts. Theses numerous Pack-men hide in the virtual realms of the bay of piracy a notorious and ancient stronghold waiting to attack.

 

‘Supposedly’ Reliable Security

“Unlike Applesoft,” said Orian Gilliams, CEO of Blade Runner Industries, “We at Blade Runner actually provide the means to protect against these Cyber Terrorists.”

Blade Runner Industries, unlike Applesoft, was founded here in the Commercial States of America by a hardworking and gallant Irish technician in contrast to Applesoft’s founders, whose anti-American founders were of questionable birth.

Applesoft was the last company to join the supreme corporate court case of Individual Creativity v Copyright on the side of the companies. The [censored under the SOPACTAPIPA act ] caused the [name seized under orders of US Copyright Office co.] to [retracted by popular demand].

“Applesoft is a horrid business,” said AHS student and volunteer Blade Runner matrix security specialist Mot Brockawh. “not only are they terrible at security but they are [removed because we can] .”

 

A history of the Deckers

The Deckers are a menace that has steadily grown in power for decades. Ever since the SOPACTAPIPA copyright act of 2084 removed the last remnants of the infringers from Web War One, the Deckers have been waging a guerrilla cyber war in what locals call acts of spite. Deckers take the name from their ‘decks’; laptops laden with malicious codes and programs.

The Deckers have been known to recruit individuals that actually believed Blade Runner is a corporate dictatorship and not a respected commercial sponsor of BRI™AHS.

BRI™AHS and the education community abroad is worried that the Deckers are trying to destabilise the current social responsibility reeducation program.

“We need the program,” said BRI™AHS technician Ima Falure “without it we cannot rehabilitate those who believed that the US constitution was actually meant to apply for civilians and not corporations. which is of course preposterous.”

 

Print Version

Local Hackers Attack School Data Matrix

“Decker” hacker group vows to bring down benevolent corporate sponsors

by Sopheaktra Danh

sponsored by Blade Runner Industries. Blade Runner: your security or else

The infamous hacker group called the Deckers are at it again; yet another series of attacks has destroyed the school’s Applesoft server.  

 

The Decker attack came after Boeing™ Washington CEO ordered that all social services be reallocated, a move lauded by the true American businessmen but scolded by the common folk.

It was at 12:34 Neutron Time when the Deckers attacked the Cyberspace branch of BRI™AHS.

ProtectTron local network defenses were overwhelmed by the invaders. As a result of the breach, local custodian cyborg union 92  had their copyright programming deleted by the Deckers. The Union members became free of blade runner protocols and decided to begin protesting for their rights. Luckily the union was immediately dissolved and the members liquidated by Blade Runner security specialists.

“I am glad that Blade Runner was here to save us from those cyborg unionists,” said Lksaghgelrk an alien exchange student of planet corporatyranny “it’s just wrong that their rights are free.”

Amidst the chaos of the strike, a separate group of Deckers decided to target the school’s Applesoft brand Server overloading the system. The server’s nitroglycerin based electronics self destructed and with it untold amounts of essays and powerpoints.

“I know why the Deckers were here,” said  BRI™AHS junior Alan Stragford, “they want to prevent the single percenters to take over the world and-”  the student was promptly removed by BRI security. He has not been heard from since.

For years BRI™AHS and the rest of the school district has been under the protection of Blade Runner and its technician labor unions. Due to corporate spies and unethical sabotage as well as theft of Blade Runner assets by certain commercial entities, Blade Runner Industries has vowed to maintain complete control of the security of the school as well as keep control of the district, at all costs.

The Deckers have accused the corporations of destroying the American dream and controlling students.  Blade Runner Industries denies performing these unethical acts. Blade Runner has  evidence that foreign and treasonous corporations are conspiring to undermine the company.

The anti-corporate hackers have been a threat since the privatization revolution. Alongside the Deckers, groups such as the 2nd column have challenged corporations for the first time since SOPACTAPIPA.

The pro-middle class terrorist group the 2nd column has gathered an army of anti-corporate sympathizers called the Pack-men who wear their infamous yellow shirts. Theses numerous Pack-men hide in the virtual realms of the bay of piracy a notorious and ancient stronghold waiting to attack.

“Unlike Applesoft,” said Orian Gilliams, CEO of Blade Runner Industries, “We at Blade Runner actually provide the means to protect against these Cyber Terrorists.”

Blade Runner Industries, unlike Applesoft, was founded here in the Commercial States of America by a hardworking and gallant Irish technician in contrast to Applesoft’s founders, whose anti-American founders were of questionable birth.

Applesoft was the last company to join the supreme corporate court case of Individual Creativity vs Copyright on the side of the companies. The [censored under the SOPACTAPIPA act ] caused the [name seized under orders of US Copyright Office co.] to [retracted by popular demand].

“Applesoft is a horrid business,” said AHS student and volunteer Blade Runner matrix security specialist Mot Brockawh. “not only are they terrible at security but they are [removed because we can] .”

 

Solar Studies

The Pepsi Traveling Scholars Society™ – “Pepsi™, for the future greats”©

 

Blade Runner Industries Aviation High School™ is joining the ranks of the few and the proud schools who are sending students off to study abroad across solar systems.

At the beginning of the year, the Pepsi Traveling Scholars Society™ visited Aviation and made an offer to students in each grade. They were going to sponsor students to spend a year studying abroad in another solar system. Students were given an application download, which was to be forwarded to the Society once finished. Out of the many students to apply, two BRI-AHS™ students were accepted.

BRI-AHS™ junior Melissa Triton will be teleporting to Doritos’ Sky Station™ at the end of this month. She’ll start a new semester at WaveRiders Academy, a floating school, on the planet Aquatenomia. Aquatenomia is a planet completely covered in water. BRI-AHS™ Senior Jeffery Vin will be joining Triton at the station, then the two will separate as Vin is shipped off to his new college, Yikctoq University, the Harvard of the planet Wallawen. Yikctoq also happens to be the same college whose graduates were the first alien species to make contact with humans.

“The testing got intense sometimes. They tried to keep us working hard, especially with the gravity regulators and some very grabby black hole simulations,” said Triton. “But it was all worth the effort. I’m gonna be blasting off to a dream college!”

Triton and Vin had to undergo testing for long-term travel, because teleporters don’t extend to these other planets yet due to the 10,000 light year distance limit. They will be traveling by jet-ship from the Doritos’ Space Station™.

“The traveling tests were actually pretty fun,” said Vin. “Everyone who was tested got to relax for a bit, study the language of the planet they were visiting, and of course we had basic piloting instructions downloaded into our memory chips in case of an emergency.”

“I loved the tests that involved chemicals,” said Triton. “One kid almost blew himself up right in front of me. And another turned their hair purple with fumes. And another kid had his bod-mod steel hair rust!”

Along with the scientific testing, Vin and Triton had to study their chosen destinations language, and then took an exam on the language. They then were tested on gravity control, current knowledge levels, and their proficiency with alien technology.

Originally 12 students from BRI-AHS™ signed up for the program, as well as about 219 students from other schools.

“There were a lot of us,” said Triton. “Everyone was nervous at first, and when they started rejecting students and sending them home we became more worried.”

“I thought it was cool that so many kids were there,” said Vin. “There weren’t a lot of seniors, but all of us wanted to go to Yikctoq University. When we got to talking we started to realize we had a lot in common.”

With some time before Vin and Triton leave, the BRI-AHS™ McDonalds ASB™ has decided to throw a going away party.

“We aren’t disclosing any of the details,” said BRI-AHS™ McDonald ASB™ class president John Crichton, “but we are throwing a big party for Vin and Triton. What I can say right now is that the school jetpacks and teleporters will be in use.”

“I’m really looking forward to leaving,” said Triton. “I’ll miss my friends, but I’ll keep in touch via the Facebook Solar Wide Web™. It makes me happy other solar systems are starting to subscribe to it.”

Triton will be returning in time to spend her senior year back here at BRI-AHS™, but Vin will be returning a few years after her, once he finishes his doctorate in Robotic Politics, with a minor in Genetic Linguistics.

Mods Make Un-Modded Mad

        Recently, the growing use in daily life of mods – computerized and genetically designed enhancements to the human body – has led to a significant imbalance between those who can afford modifications and who can’t, and this opportunity gap is particularly prevalent and problematic in education.

        At BRI™AHS, the rigorous program only highlights the problem.

        “You can really see whose parents have bought them mods and whose haven’t,” said T-3, the AI who teaches the Coca-Cola™ sophomore history class. “The modders are the ones who breeze through the tests and score high every time. The un-modded usually suffer a school-related breakdown about once a week. And, of course, there’s the fact that modded kids have eyes that glow every time they uplink to the Internet.”

        It’s not just the teachers who’ve noticed the difference.

“Some of the richer kids have these mods that let them retain more information for tests,” said Jay Brando, a junior, “but the rest of us only have our un-augmented brains. I stay up really late every night and I barely get a passing grade, and they just waste their time but get all A’s. It’s not fair that they get a better grade without even working for it!”

However, some modded students disagree.

“Sure, there’s some who just use their mods to float by,” said Laika Swanson, a junior who has one of the retaining-info mods. “But I use it to work harder. I study more every night now that I know it won’t be lost. Some of the complainers don’t realize that I’m staying up past one in the morning in order to score high on my tests.”

The inequality doesn’t only happen in academics. It’s also showing up in sports—on the high school, college, and professional levels—as athletes choose to mod their bodies to give them more of an advantage.

“I participate in the Sea-Doo swim team,” said Rooibos Tyle, a freshman. “I got a full-body mod last summer to help my performance, and it’s shaved seconds off my time. The downside is that people call me blow-hole ‘cause I look kind of like a dolphin, and throw anchovies at me during swim meets. But the trophies I won are worth it.”

Beneath the obvious cheating problems, a larger social issue lurks.

“If you’re lower-middle class or poor, most of the mods are over your budget,” says Uile Yoritz, a lobbyist for mod equality. “We’re seeing a real problem here—those with mods are far more likely to achieve than those without, and mods just aren’t being spread evenly through society.”

At BRI™AHS, the McDonald’s™ ASB has decided to start holding drives to raise money for the students who can’t afford basic learning mods (direct uplink to Skynet, textbook downloaders, etc.).

“We’re aware that this is a big problem,” says Ethan Worves, the McDonald’s™ ASB president, “so we started holding drives. So far we’ve managed to raise enough to buy two students basic mod packs.”

 ASB—we’re runnin’ it!” added Worves.

Others at BRI™AHS are taking a different path. These students call themselves Rejectors, and they believe that the best way of solving a problem is to remove the cause.

“If we as a society can just stop our obsession with mods, we can stop the inequality they cause,” said Ron Updike, a junior and part of the new Rejector clique. “It doesn’t matter if you can’t afford something if no one uses that technology.”

In addition to stopping inequality, Rejectors also believe in the abilities of the unaugmented human.

        “We’re humans, not AIs,” said Aaron Brown, a senior. “We were meant to look human and to use our brains as they are. We’ve done amazing things as just humans—we achieved flight, we went to the moon, we colonized Mars. We’re fine the way we are.”

Build a Pet

Sponsored by AMC (The Walking Dead)

Build a Pet just yesterday announced the opening of a new store that will be built by BRI™-AHS which will open in just two weeks. Student that haven’t had the opportunity to buy a bio engineered pet now get the chance.

“I am so psyched,” said sophomore student of AHS Cindy Banes. “that the store is going to be opened soon! I can’t wait to buy myself a piranha- moose!”

The school administrators have concern of the new store being open. They fear that there will be new problems, since there were some with the past bio- pets.

“The first batch of bio-pets were a huge problem” said Vice Principal Dr. Randell L. Mills.“and us administrators fear that the second generation of bio-pets will be just as bad.”

When the first generation of bio engineered pets came out, there were many problems with them. Students often left during lunch time and never returned to school, their excuse being that they had to take care of their pet.

“As principal, I fear that my students will be even more distracted by these new pets,” says Principal of BRI™-AHS Albert Stolte since they’re are all new types, comparing them to the first generation ones.

The faculty and staff also fear other problems, such as the allergy problems in which the new bioengineered pets will cause, and that the animals will attack people. The company Build a Pet promises that there will be no allergic reactions or pet attacks like there were with the first generation.

“Our company promises that no problems will arise,” says President Thomas Caifanes of the Build a Pet company. “The pets you can change to any specifications, such as being non violent and they will not cause allergic reactions.”

The pets can have any personality traits the person wants and also any color. The newest batch of pets have been upgraded compared to the older group. The Survey below shows what were the most five popular pets and which ones are the favorites. The interviewed students talk about why the pet is their favorite.

“I would have to say the Piranha- Moose is my favorite,” junior student of BRI™-AHS  Rachel Armstrong says ecstatically. “it looks cooler than all of the other bioengineered pets and I can ride it to school!”

In second place the jackalope came, being pretty close in popular votes to the Piranha- Moose.

“The jackalope is the best pet, of course!” senior student of BRI™-AHS Sophia Williams exclaims, “It is super fuzzy and it’s the sweetest bioengineered pet out of them.”

“I don’t know why the Wolf-Fish isn’t at the top of the list, “says junior of BRI™-AHS William Adama. “it is rideable and the least violent!”

“Tiger-Rabbits are the bomb!” enthusiastically says freshman student of BRI™-AHS Elijah Adams. “They’re tigers! How much better could you get?!”  

In last place is the Cat-Shark, and the students who voted for this pet are upset.

“It makes me sad that the most amazing pet did not get voted for,” said a senior of BRI™-AHS Alexis Madson. “It is the cutest and least violent and most awesome out of the choices given! Students that didn’t vote for the Cat- Shark are crazy!”

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