BRIAHS is First High School to Think With Portals


BRIAHS Junior Anastasia Pallis tests out the portal that will be installed at the new school.

Sponsored by Sirius Cybernetics Corportation

Back in the good old days, there were really only two ways to get to school—driving or taking the bus, but now BladeRunner Industries Aviation High will offer teleportation as an alternative.

Students of today have many choices, such as the extremely popular Lockmarboebombus™ (the new megacompany formed last year in the merger between Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Bombardier, and Airbus) personal helicopter or the latest Martin jet pack model.  The new Aperture Laboratories (a Textron company) teleportation pad will eliminate the need for all the costly helicopter parking stalls and jet pack traffic jams in the morning.

Even with the sophisticated air travel that has taken the world by storm, it is still slow.  Commuting by helicopter from Everett takes a whopping five minutes.  Students have simply had enough of long commutes.

AHS junior Ford Prefect is faced with an arduous commute from Olympia every day.

“It takes me seven whole minutes to get to school,” said Prefect.  “That’s seven minutes I could have been watching 4-D TV or playing Temple Segway on my iPad 20.”

Tolled airways have also been a bother to commuting students.

“I’m just glad I don’t live on the East Side,” said Prefect.  “The tolling on the 520 air-bridge is ridiculous.  When I play Brockian Ultra-Cricket in Bellevue, I have to go two whole minutes out of my way to take the I-90 airway.”

When Aviation completes its 1.21 gigawatt teleporter next summer (or so the Administration promises), it will make it so that anyone with a teleporter can just pop right into school, eliminating the dangerous and arduous commute.

Teleportation opens up infinite possibilities for the school.  Not only could students from Seattle simply walk out of bed and into the schoolyard, but students from all over the world could.  

Chell Rattman, a teenager who lives in New Liverpool, England, would love to attend Aviation.

“To attend Aviation now, I would have to take a one hour rocket ride to Seattle every morning,” said Rattman. “The new teleporter could make Aviation High an opportunity for anyone in the world.”

Of course, this would make the admissions process even more competitive.  Last year, from the 2,500 applicants, only 110 were accepted.  With the ability for anyone in the world to attend the school, the number of applications could skyrocket.

What this technology means for the future of air travel and the original mission of Aviation High School is unclear.  While AHS will be the first school in the world to get a teleportation device, other schools and businesses will follow.

The collapse of the rocket airlines and personal helicopter industry seems inevitable, as people start to just pop around instead.  It will be no use to have an aviation-centric school when the airplanes die out, just like how the cars died out decades ago.

FAA Administrator Bandy Rabbit insists that air travel will always hold a niche.

“Teleporters are expensive,” Rabbit said.  “At first, not everyone will be able to afford a fancy new quantum-device.  The poor will still need to use their primitive personal helicopters and jet packs.”

Rabbit refused to comment about the future of the rocket airlines.  Many economists are nervous that they will face the same fate as the jet airlines that vanished after the invention of the rocket liner in 2069.

The new technology is not without problems, however.  The cost of the new device limits it to the very rich—or those who know how to “connect” with industry.  AHS, in partnership with Aperture Laboratories and Textron, is getting the new device for free.  There is no word on what the two companies are getting in return, except for the fact that their logos will soon be plastered all over the school and on students’ uniforms.

Gladys Johnson, a spokesperson for Aperture, advocates the safety of their device.

“We’ve been thinking with portals for almost a century,” Johnson said.  “Of course, there’s a 1 in 1000 shot you’ll end up with someone else’s arm, or that all your bowels will turn to coal, but hey, that’s almost as safe as driving.  As my father used to say, ‘why not marry safe science if you love it so much?’”

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