11252017 Headline:

Snark Attack Fear of Change

By Phoenix Flyer

 

Snark Attack: Fear Change

 

To paraphrase one of my favorite quotes: “The only permanent things in this world are change and your inability to deal with it”

 

Let’s get one thing straight here, people. Everything changes, from subatomic particles to the entire universe and everything in between. Even you change, though rarely for the better (the idea is to take more showers, not less. Just saying.)

 

Since its glorious founding in 2004, our beloved school has gone through many changes as it grew, relocated, and adapted to new students, new teachers, new administrators, new laws, new budgets, new graduation requirements and more. The one thing that has not changed, and indeed that shows no sign of changing any time soon, is your complete and utter inability to deal with those changes like normal, mature human beings.

 

Perhaps a Socratic dialog will help illustrate my gripe:

 

You: OH. MY. GOD. They’re not offering <name of class> any more. The entire, like, world will, like, never be the same, like, ever again. I will never get into college, I’ll never work for NASA, and my entire life is, like, totes ruined 4EVA.

Me: Shut up.

 

You: WHAT!?!?!?!? They revised the dress code!?!?!?!? How will I ever express my special, unique, creative self through the beautiful art of fashion? Must I be a mindless, soulless, generic khaki drone-person 4EVA? Down with Big Brother! Aaaaarrrrgh! Robble Robble!

Me: Shut up. Right now.

 

You: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! They changed the schedule! Now I can’t take every class I want, when I want, and be in every club I want, and on every team I want, and also do everything else I want, and come to school late, and leave school early, and have everything I want in the universe exactly how and when I want it! Bad school! Bad school!

Me: Shut. Up. shutupshutupshutup. Shuuuuuuut uuuuuuuuup.

 

You think everyone else should freeze the world in place to suit your needs? This school is as awesome as it is precisely BECAUSE it has continued to change and evolve and grow for so many years. RAHS (which used to be just AHS, by the way) has lost and gained teachers, classes, buildings, principals, partners, programs, clubs, teams, coaches, custodians, computer labs, and more, including almost 1,500 students since opening its doors. Some of you were still in diapers when this school got started, and if that’s not an argument for change, I don’t know what is, unless you’re still in diapers (which, let’s be honest, some of you act like you still need your mommies to wipe your butts for you.)

 

You may not like all of the changes this school goes through in your 4 years here, but one of those changes was letting you in, and besides, this school serves an entire community, not just you, so suck it up, buttercup, or the world will move on without you.

 

Sincerely yours,

 

El Sharkito Snarkito.

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