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Snark Attack Lunch Line

By Phoenix Flyer

It’s so simple, but everyone always does it incorrectly: microwave courtesy. I mean, why are all the microwaves at RAHS REALLY ALWAYS SO STUPIDLY MESSY! It’s not that hard to put yourself in a line WITHOUT CUTTING!. Wait. Put your lunch in the microwave for A RESPECTABLE AMOUNT OF MINUTES.  Wait. Then, take yours out so the next person can go. I mean honestly, how difficult can it be? For a school of supposed geniuses we are not the brightest when it comes to household appliances.

Even with those problems, there’s still the problem of why the lines are so freaking long? It makes no sense. We have several microwaves in this school but somehow the lines are always so long. And don’t even get me started about the mess that’s always in the microwave. Not only is it absolutely disgusting inside of the stupid microwave but WAVE goodbye to the flavor in your lunch because someone decided it is a FANTASTIC IDEA to fry their fish and put it back in the microwave. First of all why would you do that? Where is the logic in your smelly lunch going in the microwave, consequently forcing RAHS students to live in the pungent dead fish fumes for the next 2 hours?

It’s gotten so bad that I want to put into effect some rules. For instance, this shark has decided 5 to 6 minutes is the maximum that should be allowed. Putting all of your lunch in the microwave for 10 minutes is SO RUDE.

I mean, I don’t mean to be a killer shark or anything but let’s do the math. I don’t think it should be explained at all, but let’s say there are 6 people in line. The appropriate amount of lunches in the microwave are 3 MAYBE 4 lunches, because stacking them one on top of another is not polite at all. If the lunches are microwaved for only 5 minutes at a time, the first 3 people will have their lunch in 5 minutes and the last 3 people will have their lunch in 10 minutes. Done. Boom. It’s so painfully simple that it really calls into question how anyone could screw it up, and I can just hear all the jaws dropping because I’m spitting nothing but facts.


The Shark

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