04252018 Headline:

Ground Control Stress and Kazooooooo

By Phoenix Flyer

Dear Ground Control,

I am struggling under the pressure of junior year so much that the few days where I get my homework done and I’m able to relax, I feel even more stressed about everything. What can I do?

Sincerely,

Forever Stressed

 

Dear Stressed,

I’m sorry to say it, but welcome to junior year. I don’t understand it, but something about those nine months makes it full of tears, sleepless nights, endless homework, and a whole lot of stress. Maybe it’s the start of AP classes, maybe it’s the looming college apps, maybe it’s even that memes have become your one and only coping strategy. Either way, no one’s doing too well junior year and everyone knows it.

No matter what your workload is, always remember to take care of yourself. You are more important than any piece of homework or test (sorry teachers, but it’s true). Treat yourself to your favorite foods, drink a cup of tea, read a book, listen to music, sit in the hot tub on the fourth floor, do anything to take your mind off the crushing pressure of school for a little bit. It’s okay to take a break and focus on yourself.

I’m proud of you,

Ground Control

 

Dear Ground Control,

I am deeply concerned about a fellow student. I think we all want answers as to the fate of the infamous Kazoo Kid. Does he still Kazoo? Did his Kazoo get crushed by the pressure of freshman year? Was he in a terrible accident where he lost his abilities? We all need answers.

Kazoo kid, if you’re reading this, are you okay? We need a sign. Be the hero this school needs, not what we deserve.

Sincerely,

Koncerned students

 

Dear Koncerned students,

I miss Kazoo Kid as much as any of you, trust me. His beautiful notes used to fill my mornings with joy, despite the fact that I was walking into this desolate place known as RAHS. He gave me hope and, dare I say, a will to live. Without his melodious tune in my ears, I fear I am nothing.

Therefore, due to the personal implications, I decided to do my own investigative research. After a long journey full of hiking treacherous mountains and slaying villainous beasts, I succeeded in tracking down Kazoo Kid and proceeded to ask him why he took the happiness from our lives. His response:

“I sat on my Kazoo accidentally and broke it, that’s my reason for disappearing.”

This is tremendous news! It means that his absence is temporary, and soon he will once again be able to bless us with his Kazoo. On behalf of everyone at RAHS, we hope your Kazoo is fixed soon, Kazoo Kid, and you soon continue to enhance our days with your music.

I miss you,

Ground Control

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