10182018 Headline:

Grand Cantral

By Phoenix Flyer

Dear Ground Control,

Why the hell are underclassman wearing their middle school sports gear?

 

Sincerely,

Shook Senior

 

Dear Shooketh,

There’s a simple answer for this: an inferiority complex.

Back in middle school, these underclassmen were on top of the world. In eighth grade, they were the dominating class and had complete power over the puny, younger classes. They could cut in the lunch line without fear of repercussion; they could make fun of the tiny sixth graders all they want; they were at the prime of their lives. As they were upheaved into high school, they went from having total control to having none. Suddenly, they were at the bottom of the food chain, “fresh meat,” if you will.

Therefore, in order to relive their days of glory, they throw themselves into middle school attire. They attempt to assert their dominance by yelling “Hey! I went to middle school! I was in eighth grade! I had power once!” We all know it doesn’t work, but they try. Don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it as they regain upperclassmen power. Admit it, you did this too.

 

Learn to live with it,

Ground Control

 

Dear Ground Control,

Now that the dress code allows shorts after May 1st, should I start wearing shorts?

 

Sincerely,

Sweaty Student

 

Dear Sweaty,

Well if you’re that sweaty, my answer is definitely. Nobody wants to sit next to the person who is sweating through their pants. So if it’s hot, wear shorts! If it’s cool, wear pants! Do what you want, whatever makes you the most comfortable. Nobody is going to look at you and say, “wow, I can’t believe they decided to wear shorts, what a horrible decision, what a catastrophe.” And if they do, they need to take a long hard look at themselves and wonder why they are judging others for their clothes.

Keep in mind, however, that it’s the beginning of summer and you still have winter legs. Your pasty skin might blind everyone in the building without your luxurious summer tan. So be careful, the number one rule of the dress code is to not distract others, and obviously I am in full support of the dress code.

 

Stay sweaty,

Ground Control

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