10182018 Headline:

Email Etiquette Snark Attack

By Phoenix Flyer

Dear RAHS Students,

Actually, no. Apparently we don’t need to have a heading for emails anymore because your email etiquette is trash. Which is great because when you cc everyone for your random email with a pointlessly vague subject line we all know exactly who you’re referring to. Especially when the email is sent at 11:59 pm the day before the event you’re trying to inform me of. Because I can almost guarantee that whether I  check my email later that night or early the next morning I will without a doubt be tired, irritable, and very unlikely to see your email labeled “meeting ToMORROW!” and care to read on. Even if I somehow muster the energy to click on your bothersome email, I will probably go about my day with no more information than I started with because your ambiguously-inclined self probably didn’t even tell me what room to meet in at “about halfway through lunch..ish.”

As a result of your pathetic incompetency to explain yourself, a chorus of reply-alls irritating enough to make ears bleed will undoubtedly come flying into my inbox. For every idiot who finds themselves so incredibly fascinating that they think all of the other 40 people in the thread need to hear their opinion, please close your laptop, get off your phone, and join a self-help group, because maybe someone there will at least pretend to care.  

Even more infuriating are the degenerates who wait four and a half days to respond to you, only to say “got it” or “sounds good.” I get it; I‘m a shark, typing is hard. But if you knew you were only going to give me 3 seconds of your time, WHY DID IT TAKE SO DAMN LONG? Or, you’ll ask some stupid question that was clearly detailed in my message, only further demonstrating that you are a substandard human being with little to no processing capabilities. And we both know that your vexing conjecture will only prompt me to explain myself with something along the lines of “per my last email” which is clearly the only remotely polite way of asking “seriously can you even read???”

Once again, I understand. Communicating with humans is a difficult and draining endeavor. Maybe if composing a coherent email is too hard for you, you should resort to a more simple-minded mode of communication. Perhaps interpretive dance might suit you, or I don’t know, maybe talk to me in person.

 

Sincerely,

The Snark

thesnark@gmail.com

✧✧ Just keep swimming ✧✧ – Dory

 

PS

Seriously why are people like this ^^

What Next?

Related Articles