09262018 Headline:

Dating/Valentines Day advice

Advice from Pilot Jones

By Cyprus Richards

Dear Pilot Jones,

I’ve liked this guy for a very long time, in fact I think I have a case of love at first sight. I remember all the times in Ms. Cook’s class we would always do our vocabulary, even though it was mostly him copying my paper. This is the kind of teamwork it takes to build a strong relationship. I just know he is the one, and since Valentine’s Day is coming up and I think it might be a stretch to get him to ask me, so I thought I’d ask him myself. I Snapchat him all the time (before school, in the hall, in class, while tying my shoe, during lunch, in church, in my room, outside his window, while doing homework) and telling from the two snaps I got back this new tool might be a vessel that drives our love boat. I asked all my friends if this is strange just for closure, but they can’t talk (they’re cats) so I decided to write to you, Pilot Jones. Asking him through Snapchat seems legit, but I just don’t know. If this is strange, please give me some cool ways to ask.

Snapchat Stalker

Dear Snapchat Stalker,

First off, I’m so glad you asked this question–it really makes me one happy camper. Valentine’s Day is a special time, my favorite. Whether you have a secret crush, public crush, boyfriend or girlfriend, pal, or a cat in your case, doing something special for someone rocks. Obviously, you’re slightly off the rocker, which someone might learn to appreciate, but to a regular person that might be coming on a little strong. That’s not all, SNAPCHAT REALLY, SNAPCHAT? Where’s the chivalry?  Girl, that’s just sad, I mean you don’t Snapchat for love, that ridiculous. I don’t want to be rude, but maybe spend more time praying for a boyfriend rather than sending him pointless pictures. If it’s not face to face, it ain’t legit. First and foremost, you lost your snapchat privileges. Delete that app off your phone at once, and sit down with a pen and paper and see if you still have the capability to write. Once words start to fall together, turn it into a love poem like this one.

Roses are red, so are firetrucks

There’s a fire within me, that’s hot like the Chinese take-out

Violets are blue, my feelings aren’t new

I love you, like an old pair of shoes

To wrap things up, I’m stuck in a rut

Be my Valentine or I’ll sit on a couch all alone

Poems like these spark something real in a relationship, and I feel as though it would grab his attention immediately.  But there are also other ways to approach him. If your writing skills are lacking, there’s always a face to face approach. You can bring him food. Food is the fastest way to his heart, and stomach. Some ideas of what to bring him are:
– Artichokes in the shape of hearts
– Red M&M’s
– Edible roses
– A tiger with a pizza on his back
– Sloppy joes
Asking guys to be your Valentine is obviously not traditional, but going outside the box would really prove that you have guts. I’m sure most guys would like you for having the confidence of just going straight up to them and asking them. Even if you don’t have that many ideas, taking the risk to ask him is pretty boss. In the past, I’ve seen girls ask young men through posters with kind messages and sometimes buying the flowers and snacks that are sold in the school cafeteria for them. Don’t be afraid to ask him, because if you get shot down, you always have your felines. Listen to Pilot Jones, take these few ideas, get off snapchat, and go get your man!

Pilot Jones

Need a friend, someone to talk to, or guidance through this wild place we call school??? My advice will help you take flight, right out of that sticky situation of yours!

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