03232018 Headline:

Ground Control Illuminati Confrimed

Dear Ground Control, Truth or dare? Sincerely, Curious   Dear curious, Interesting question you pose. Okay, if you really think about it, truth is 5 letters, or is 2 letters, dare is 4 letters. 5 + 2 + 4 = 11. There are eleven players on [...]

Snark Attack Lunch Line

It’s so simple, but everyone always does it incorrectly: microwave courtesy. I mean, why are all the microwaves at RAHS REALLY ALWAYS SO STUPIDLY MESSY! It’s not that hard to put yourself in a line WITHOUT CUTTING!. Wait. Put your [...]

Snark Attack

Food. It’s more than important. It’s vital. Dealing with the stress of final projects, studying, and all of the other work that’s piled onto the poor devils here can be very difficult, and to add insult to injury, lunch lines that [...]

Ground Control Stress and Kazooooooo

Dear Ground Control, I am struggling under the pressure of junior year so much that the few days where I get my homework done and I’m able to relax, I feel even more stressed about everything. What can I do? Sincerely, Forever Stressed   Dear [...]

Ground Control: New Years Resolutions?

Dear Ground Control, My friends say that having a New Year’s resolution is bad. Is it really? Sincerely, Scared for 2018 Dear Scared, The answer to this question depends on you as a person. Some people could really and truly benefit from [...]

Ground Control: Mr. Mannion

Dear Ground Control, How did Mr. Mannion create chemistry? It’s indisputable that he did, but how? What were his motivations? Sincerely, Curious Chemist Dear Lesser Chemist, Of course our exquisite chem-god — pronounced (Che-em) [...]

Snark Attack WoBBLy sTAiRs

Dear peers, There’s an uprising against us. It’s the main stairway, the anonymous steps that give themselves character when they qUaKe and TreMbLE when one does nothing but step on them. I lose a little bit of hope for my life everytime [...]

Snark Attack Printers

Ok, so the printers are pissing me off again. This time however, it’s not just the machine itself. It’s also the humans that operate these machines that really grind my gears. The printers themselves work off and on, and are never close [...]

Ground Control Christmas and College

Dear Ground Control, I am a senior and everyone around me seems stressed out over “college apps.” I’m afraid of sounding dumb to my friends but, what’s a “college app”? Sincerely, Confused (but not) in College   Dearest Confused, Ah, [...]

Snark Attack Fear of Change

  Snark Attack: Fear Change   To paraphrase one of my favorite quotes: “The only permanent things in this world are change and your inability to deal with it”   Let’s get one thing straight here, people. Everything changes, [...]


Dear Ground Control, With autumn comes everyone’s least favorite Starbucks drink: the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Recently, I have noticed that it doesn’t end there. IT’S EVERYWHERE. Pumpkin spice this and pumpkin spice that. I hate pumpkin spice. [...]
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