05302017 Headline:

Volume 6 Issue 5

By Phoenix Flyer

Guest Writers: Jes Mannard and Chris Hendrickson

Great news for all you insatiable complainers and squeaky wheels out there – the Phoenix Flyer is proud to unveil our newest column, Snark Attack! Every issue, our persnickety roving ombudsman Sharpedo McJabberjaw satisfies your craving for nitpicky microgripes and gets to the tiny heart of the issues that really don’t matter. It’s like a YouTube comment thread, but nonviolent and cool! This issue’s wannabe crisis is literally right under your feet… Enjoy!

Recently, there has been a change at RAHS concerning the stairs–and we know that everyone has noticed. For the most part, all of you are teenagers, and probably can’t be bothered–I mean, it isn’t your problem right? Sure. At least until you fall face first down the stairs because you hit your toes on the stair bumpers. Then it is most definitely your problem when you are sitting on the floor crying. And it’s not just a few kids. Pretty much everyone has, at least, lost balance because of the “nubs” that are meant to keep the stairs from chipping. Would we rather break arms than break the stairs? Probably not. At least that’s what the people who use the stairs think. I don’t know if the school district ever leaves their air-conditioned offices to take a walk up our stairs, but the protectors don’t make it easier to climb the stairs, THEY MAKE IT WORSE. In fact, Ms. Hiranaka keeps a record of all the students that have fallen down the stairs at our school for insurance purposes, and we’ve been pretty lucky so far–no serious injuries! But who knows how long till we lose our luck and something severe happens due to the “rubber protectors.” Personally, I don’t know what can be said or done to avoid risking death every time I need to double time it up the stairs to get to class on time, but for now the only choice is to go slow on the stairs…. just don’t be late to class! Unfortunately the stair bumpers are not an accepted excuse. At least not yet!

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