05302017 Headline:

Snark Attack Volume 7 Issue 1

By Phoenix Flyer

Some aviation-related names along the way are an inevitable part of attending Raisbeck Aviation High School, but it’s time we talk about the aviation overkill. The abstract airfoil shape of the building and the matching light fixtures in the hall are stomachable, but there are some names that should have never seen the light of day.

FLIGHT DECKS? Really? They are balconies (which are always locked). Say, in theory, I need to go downstairs and pick up a flyer. I have to go to the FLIGHT DESK. Putting “flight” in front of something doesn’t make it anything remotely close to a plane on the genetic tree. Even though the BPC is actually more like a gladiator pit than anything else, I’ve even heard of it being called “The Hangar.” This is insane! It’s not like calling something that’s completely benign and normal a plane name is going to improve the content being taught! That’s where the aviation is, let’s stop looking for it everywhere it isn’t, and surely the school would be a much a better place.

That blazer you wear for presentations? IT’S A FLIGHT JACKET NOW. Your laptop? WHY DON’T WE JUST CALL IT A FANCY E6B FLIGHT COMPUTER INSTEAD.

Or, you know, at this point, why don’t we just make everything airplane related? Pencils shall forevermore be called Subsonic Lead Distributors. Lip balm is now a High Altitude Solid Hydration System. The sweet Ms. Hiranaka is Mission Control! You know what? Why do we even call the it lunch? We can just call it “Student Maintenance and Refueling,” which can be picked up at the “Fly By” and is totally “The Wright Stuff.” For it to be rightfully called the Fly By, we should at least be able to get food before lunch is over.

The airplane puns plague our school like an infectious disease. It will NEVER take off. See? It doesn’t sound cool, it just sounds stupid. Like how every time a plane takes off or lands everybody feels the need to run to the unopenable windows. I swear, if the school was a bus, we’d have tipped it over by now. It also doesn’t help that we’re right next to A FUNCTIONING AIRPORT. Maybe we could try and focus on class instead of acting like complete fools.

This is getting out of hand, it’s time I calm myself. I’m going to go stare at the gigantic full wall mural of a 787.

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