“I think Trump is what the country needs to save America and make it better at life and make America great again.” Michael Alden “If I wanted to kill myself I’d jump from Donald Trump’s ego to his IQ.” Nathan Simmons “If Donald Trump thinks that one million dollars is nothing, what will he think about America’s debt?” Charles Skinner “I don’t think Donald Trump should be President because would you really want to vote for somebody who would willingly date their daughter if it wasn’t his actual daughter?” Andrew Struthers “Donald Trump is everything that’s wrong with America: he’s racist, he hates everything, and has no actual plan for making America better.” Langston Wisen “I think he’s un-American. Basically[…]

It’s the end of the day. Everyone’s exhausted, and sixth period is dragging along. You can’t help but daydream about going home. The walk, the drive, the bus ride…Oh wait… Surprise, surprise! Route 42 riders are now going to be riding Route 137. This is a shockingly rare occurrence. Now I’m stuck riding a bus to Snark knows where! On the outside this seems okay, but what about me? I’m stuck on a bus with a mole of other kids! I don’t even like these people! They’re loud and annoying and my bus is usually empty! Okay, okay, calm down. It’s not all bad. It’s not like I can’t even hear the announcements, right? It’s not like the replacement bus[…]

Dear Ground Control, What’s the point of getting into college, working and being a millionaire if we all die? What’s the point in life? What is the secret to life? -Quarterlife Crisis   Well, assuming you even graduate, maybe you’ll get into college. Maybe you’ll turn off “Clifford the Big Red Dog” on Netflix, and maybe you’ll go out and get a job. Let’s face it, you won’t become a millionaire, so there really isn’t a point. Now, if you have any complaints about that, you’re going to have to suck it up. If you have more to say, feel free to get all existential somewhere else. Start a blog. I hear Tumblr is a good place if you want[…]

Imagine you’re in in the midst of a school emergency. The alarms are chiming just loudly enough for you to notice the state of crisis. The voice telling you to leave before you die is giving directions in the most polite and passive aggressive way possible–almost like an airline hostess! So now you’ve got your aviation reference of the day and things are good, even though the building is in flames, but wait… What about your friend on crutches? How ever will they manage on the stairs?! Have we got a deal for you! Why carry your friend to safety when you could complicate the process with a Stryker Evacuation Chair? Strap your friend up onto one of these chairs[…]

Dear Ground Control, All through my freshman year I knew that I was having a really hard time. My grades were slowly dropping and I was too terrified to tell anybody about it so I lied to my friends about my grades. The same thing is happening to me this sophomore year but this year I don’t feel like I have any friends to talk to. My depression and anxiety are getting worse and I don’t know how to deal with it. I know that my parents won’t take it seriously and I’m too scared to go see Ms. Carper. What should I do?? -Needing a Friend   Dear Friend, There are more people than you think who are willing[…]

With less than a week left until Homecoming, I’m too scared to ask someone and I don’t think anyone will ask me. What should I do?   Dateless and Desperate     Dear Dateless,   Man up: pick up the remote, turn off season 5, episode 3 of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood (I know you don’t want to miss the Trolley Song, but it’s Netflix, and it’ll be there when you get back), get up off the sofa, pull up your big boy pants, and just go and ask someone out for goodness’ sake. I mean seriously, how scary could it be? There are only 400 of your closest friends watching to see if you fail. Don’t worry about it. If[…]

The dress code was instituted to “promote a professional culture at RAHS,” but the enforcement has become so unpredictable it might be safer to just wear no clothes at all.  I have seen students dress-coded by certain teachers when they don’t have the top button of their shirt clasped, but other kids who dress like they are headed to spring break in Cabo (or the strip club) are left completely alone by teachers.  Although your best friend may look “adorbs” in that crop top and booty shorts, and maybe even be able to get away with it, it makes the student who gets called on for not wearing khakis feel a wee bit jelly. By the way, more power to[…]

Some aviation-related names along the way are an inevitable part of attending Raisbeck Aviation High School, but it’s time we talk about the aviation overkill. The abstract airfoil shape of the building and the matching light fixtures in the hall are stomachable, but there are some names that should have never seen the light of day. FLIGHT DECKS? Really? They are balconies (which are always locked). Say, in theory, I need to go downstairs and pick up a flyer. I have to go to the FLIGHT DESK. Putting “flight” in front of something doesn’t make it anything remotely close to a plane on the genetic tree. Even though the BPC is actually more like a gladiator pit than anything else,[…]

There’s this girl I really like, but I don’t really understand the signals I’m getting. Is she flirting with me? Does she hate me? I don’t know. -Confused and Lonely Dear Confused and Lonely, Well, if this is an example of your communication skills it’s no wonder you’re confused. What kind of signals are you getting? Did she walk down the same hallway as you? Did she hug you for more than 1.5 seconds? Was it a side hug? Did she breathe the same air as you? Did you touch the same door handle? Take some time to think about your own signals. If you don’t give me examples, I can’t help you. So, in the words of the great[…]

Yo Ground Control!   I have a beef with someone at our school, and I want to know how I can get even with them without getting in trouble. Any advice?   From, Payback Patrick.   Payback Patrick!   I am pretty sure that I am supposed to tell you that you should forgive this person, but sometimes you gotta take some action first!   The thing is that you can’t hurt anyone emotionally, physically, mentally…you know the deal. You could, however, use it as a way to make your relationship with this person better.   Here’s how! All you’ve got to do is make this person laugh. Cheesy right? Sure, but pull a harmless prank to make them look[…]

I think that every single person in this school has had a problem with people in the hallway. Every time there’s a passing period, it’s like the entire school decides to act like an urban thoroughfare for five minutes. Loud, crowded, sometimes stinky, people are not generally aware of what is right in front of their face.  There’s the first challenge after every class finishes, which is actually getting into the hall. Students cluster in front of the door, like they want to go to their next class, which last time I checked, is rarely ever true. On the other end of the spectrum you have kids who will do anything to prolong their time in the hall, be it[…]