Dear Ground Control, After how much I enjoyed the last class colors day, I decided that I like wearing all black. What are your tips to stay stylish while sporting this new goth look? Sincerely, Aspiring Goth   Dear Goth, You’ve come to the right place. As a fashion icon, I am single-handedly capable of bring back goth. For your reference, here are some ground rules: Rule number one and by far most important: Always go for the darkest pair of jeans. That light gray won’t cut it. It should be the color of the pupils of your enemy before you slay them in battle. It’s important to remember to look the same every day. I do not recommend wearing[…]

Now that finals are over, we can take a quick time-out to mourn the loss of sleep and friends due to irritability from finals week. It was inevitable, everyone knew it was coming, but what they weren’t expecting were the four day finals for a single class and the teachers who try to be original by giving finals the week before finals week. The gesture is nice, we appreciate that they don’t want to give finals all at once but when all of the teachers decide to give them a week early, it didn’t end so well.   How did it end you might ask? Maybe you didn’t get it too bad this time around but the rest of us[…]

Dear Ground Control, My friends have been using my student ID to print out their school papers. Just a week or two back, two of them printed out 2 full-size SAT practice tests! This is causing me emotional distress. I don’t know what to do. I can’t print anymore. Sincerely, Betrayed by the Bestie   Dear Bestie, You need better friends. Get new friends. You may have noticed that I called you bestie–it’s because we are friends now. I have blessed you with my presence (you don’t actually get to know who I am, but you can say “Wow, I’m homies with Ground Control! Amazing. I’m #blessed”). Here is how you make new friends that you can talk to in[…]

Okay, we all know that the flu is going around, and because of that Mr. Snark is out of business until hibernation season ends. For now, it’s time to deal with me, the Meme Shark, and boy oh boy, we’re gonna get down to business to defeat the puns. That’s right; I’m going to tackle the three banes of our school society: rules that aren’t enforced, rules that aren’t enforceable, and rules that are just plain stupid. You’ll be walking through a day in the life of a memer at RAHS trying to express discomfort with the dilemmas of the stupid rules she/he is faced with. Bring on the memes, baby.   Dress Code – Rule Level: Not Enforced First[…]

It’s 8:58 a.m. You’ve just finished a super important essay for Ms. Cook and it’s only two minutes before the start of her class. Your heart is pounding in your chest as Eminem lyrics pass through your head: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.  You’re so close to failing this class and you have to get this essay into Cook’s basket before nine. The only thing left between you and mediocre success is the school printer. You start to pray to RAHS_FLOOR2EAST_C4240A.   You run to the beast, hoping that it’ll work, that it will spit out this one-of-a-kind essay. You turn into the hallway and into the little[…]

Dear Ground Control: How can I get my students to take their homework more seriously, not just as a hoop to jump through as fast as they can? Sincerely, Troubled Teacher   Dear Troubled Teacher, That’s not gonna happen bro. Good luck though. I mean really if you assign more than a half an hour of homework, it’s probably not going to happen. Remember that all the other teachers also assign homework, and if you all assign homework that’s a half an hour, that’s 3 hours already, which doesn’t leave time for sleep, social time, and athletics that you encourage us to do. Honestly, if you assign more than that, it’s actually not going to happen. It’s that 30 minute[…]

I’m searching for a light in the darkness here at RAHS, and not much is illuminating the path. That’s right: the one thing that should make things clearer just muddies the waters even more. There is only one place in the world where 4 + 4 = 10 and a 100% drops your grade: Illuminate Home Connection. How many times have I logged in to see if my C in Spanish has budged only to get a login error, or a random password reset, or, worst of all, a missing assignment? Every day I see a teacher that has my assignment marked missing, when really it just hasn’t been entered yet. Do you know what that kind of daily scare[…]

Dear Ground Control, I just don’t seem to fit in. I am a mess. I got dress coded already for wearing a WIAA sport shirt on fridays when my game day was. I missed a homework due date and the back of my laptop keeps breaking. I know high school would be hard anywhere, but I’m just not meant for it. I don’t feel welcomed. Instead I feel like teachers are throwing homework out like garbage and like all the other students are perfect. Am I over stressing? Is it bad that I got dress coded already? Is having B’s okay? -Aviation anxiety   Dear most Aviation students,   The first thing I would like to point out is that[…]

We are nearing the end of a long and tiring year and as a low key week comes up we can finally show off our footy pajamas and short shorts combo, but then, disaster strikes! Our phones start vibrating–a dress code notice and numerous pointless messages fill our inboxes! The notion of rules being properly enforced is one that many at this school don’t seem to understand. How has a polite warning email to further protect students from the overly lazy hand of justice gone this wrong? This school is known for its students’ intelligence, it is things like the reply all button that stop it from fulfilling expectations. I am taking steps to prevent this from happening again but[…]

Ahh… Daylight Savings Time (DST), when we purposefully subject ourselves to jet lag by “springing” one hour ahead just to “fall back” six months later. Sure, it may be nice to get an extra hour of sleep in the fall — but we all know the agony teenagers face when we lose it again in the spring. Why do we subject ourselves to this anguish? You may think it helps the farmers somewhere out in Kansas, but the truth is: Today, there is literally no reason that we should have Daylight Savings Time. Seriously, we take our own sleep away for no reason at all! Sure, in the past we may have saved some electricity by staying outside longer and[…]

Dear Ground Control, Is there any subject you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole? -Wonder Walle   Dear Walle, Things I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole because EWWW!: Backpack dust Urinal handles Cafeteria food Things I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole because my hindsight is 20/20: The RAHS dating scene The turquoise pen during my timed write Chipotle Things I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole because I have a life: Extra credit problems The Dungeons and Dragons convention this weekend The Phoenix Flyer A&A section   Sincerely, Ground Control   I can only go to the bathroom when there is nobody else in the room. The urinals scare me, and I can’t deal[…]