05302017 Headline:

Ground Control – FaceTime and Hangman

By Phoenix Flyer

Dear Ground Control,

My sister is always on FaceTime really loudly with her friends and it’s really annoying, but I feel like it’s rude to ask her to stop.

Sincerely,

Annoyed and Aggravated

 

Dear Aggravated,

I’m afraid there is only one plan of action for you to follow. Go live in a cave. Wander as far away from humanity as you can: I believe that’s somewhere in Kansas. Now, there aren’t actually any mountains in Kansas, so what you’re going to have to do is bring a very large rock with you. Your Uber driver probably will charge extra for this, so you should consider trying to find one in the mountains on your way to Kansas. Don’t worry about bringing anything else. Kansas has a lot of crafting supplies, since there’s nothing else to do. You won’t have any trouble finding the supplies to make your clothes and anything else you can just get from corn. Once you are there with your rock, you can carve out the inside of your rock (it’s customizable!!!) and begin your happy life of solitude.

 

Sincerely,

Ground Control

 

Dear Ground Control,

Every time I play hangman with my friend, they choose words with no vowels. How do I get back at them?

Sincerely,

Words with Frenemies

 

Dear Words with Frenemies,

I feel you, bro. This is actually something that I deal with. It’s what happens when you put more than one clever person in the same building. We all think we’re smarter than the next person, and clearly, hangman is the best way to show up the competition. Just to out all of you who think you’re clever, here are some words people will try to use to damage your pride.

-Nymph

-Rhetoric

-Lynx

-Quail

-Quilt

-Bayou

-Haphazard

-Kiosk

-Peekaboo

-Rhubarb

-Xylophone

-Yachtsman

-Swivel

-Topaz

-Unknown

-Unworthy

-Schizophrenia

-Sphinx

-Spritz

 

Now go forth and destroy people. It’s probably smart to use these words against people who don’t read my amazing work. You do you though.

Sincerely,

Ground Control

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