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Ground Control – 10/17/2016

By Phoenix Flyer

Dear Ground Control:

How can I get my students to take their homework more seriously, not just as a hoop to jump through as fast as they can?

Sincerely,

Troubled Teacher

 

Dear Troubled Teacher,

That’s not gonna happen bro. Good luck though. I mean really if you assign more than a half an hour of homework, it’s probably not going to happen. Remember that all the other teachers also assign homework, and if you all assign homework that’s a half an hour, that’s 3 hours already, which doesn’t leave time for sleep, social time, and athletics that you encourage us to do. Honestly, if you assign more than that, it’s actually not going to happen. It’s that 30 minute mark that turns it from helpful into a hoop. You’ve gotta be careful. Remember when you walked to and from school uphill in the snow? Remember how long that took? That’s basically our lives but with the traffic. Be kind. On behalf of the procrastination nation, best of luck getting us to do homework. I put off writing this for like 3 weeks, no lie.

 

Sincerely,

Ground Control

 

Hey Ground Control!

I’m a junior currently and there is a freshman who is really getting on my nerves. My nickname for him is “Lil’ Billy” and I can’t take his crap anymore. What to do?

Sincerely,

So Done

 

Dear Done,

WELL, if he deserves the name “Lil’ Billy” I already feel bad for you. TBH, it’s not going to get better. All the upperclassmen always think that the freshmen are a little rough around the edges, and all the freshmen (including you, all those years ago) always think that they’re super cool. All you can do is avoid him, and all the other freshmen. Hiding in the corner is a pro-tip. Minimize all human contact. Pick the lock on the back door, sneak down the hallway, and go up the side staircase. Memorize his class schedule and be as far from him as you can on school property. You know where he eats lunch? Get in your car and drive as far away as you can in 15 minutes then flip a U-turn and drive back. Measures might have to get drastic. Fantastically drastic.

 

That said, don’t take it too far – don’t be mean, they’re just as scared as you once were.

 

Sincerely,

Ground Control

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