05302017 Headline:

Ground Control: Grade problems and some complaints

By Phoenix Flyer

Dear Ground Control,

All through my freshman year I knew that I was having a really hard time. My grades were slowly dropping and I was too terrified to tell anybody about it so I lied to my friends about my grades. The same thing is happening to me this sophomore year but this year I don’t feel like I have any friends to talk to. My depression and anxiety are getting worse and I don’t know how to deal with it. I know that my parents won’t take it seriously and I’m too scared to go see Ms. Carper. What should I do??

-Needing a Friend

 

Dear Friend,

There are more people than you think who are willing to help you. Pick a teacher you trust to talk to about your depression.They became teachers for a reason: they want to help you grow as a student and as a person. Ms. Carper is one of the nicest people you will ever meet, and while it might be scary to approach her the first time, she’s here to help make your experience at school better. You can also reach out to Ms. Dyer, Ms. Jones, Mr. Kumakura, Mr. Storer, and Ms. Juarez. They are on the Prevention and Intervention team specifically designed to help struggling students with their problems.

 

As far as your grades go, I will tell you what I do. Set a bedtime and stick to it: you’ll feel better during the day, and you will be more fresh to do your homework. Sophomore year is the year to learn good habits like this, because things pick up your junior and senior year. Remember to ask your teacher for help if you’re struggling with a subject. It’s hard to do when you have anxiety, but remember that they’re there to help you. If you’re nervous about talking to them in person, send them an email. They’ll be happy to help you: they want you to do well.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Sincerely,

Ground Control

 

Hey Ground Control,

Your relationship advice sucks. You seem to just want to make fun of people’s problems (although I will agree, some of them are pretty stupid). By what authority do you give relationship advice anyway? I bet most of you don’t even have significant others. Give me some reason to trust you, ’cause I think you’re all fakes.

-Skeptic Pands

 

Dear Pands,

First off, I am just one person, thank you very much. You should go start a blog where you can complain about my relationship advice just as much as you’d like. Uninformed children such as yourself should get your mommy to proofread your emails and your awesome new blog, and for your information, I am more than qualified to be giving advice, by the power vested in me by my own self. I mean honestly, I’ve had so many significant others that now they’re just insignificant others. Who are you to have a chip the size of a 747 on your shoulder? You probably just blog about your significant other that you’ve been dating for the past four hours. Stop complaining about what I have to say, tear this page out of the newspaper, fold it into an itty bitty teeny weeny little baby tissue and use it to wipe those crocodile tears. So sad. I’ll make sure to bookmark www.imawhinylittlesnotnosedpunk.com so I can read about how sad you are when you blog about all of your sadness on your sad little blog. I don’t make fun of everyone’s problems, but if you tell me yours I’ll get right on it. Please link me to your next post on your awesome blog.

 

Goodbye, you bothersome little child (let’s face it you’re probably a sophomore who’s salty about last issue)

 

Sincerely,

Ground Control

 

P.S. I bought the domain http://www.imawhinylittlesnotnosepunk.com/ and now you owe me $12.

 

P.P.S. I know how to spell panda, which makes me a happy panda, and you a yappy little dog nipping at my ankles.

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