06242018 Headline:

Ground Control No More Advice or Spirit

Dear Ground Control, What am I going to do now that I can’t get wondrous advice from ground control? Any last words? Sincerely, A Confused Student   Dear Confused Student, Wow, I’m sad. I’m kidding, is there really a point to [...]

Grand Cantral

Dear Ground Control, Why the hell are underclassman wearing their middle school sports gear?   Sincerely, Shook Senior   Dear Shooketh, There’s a simple answer for this: an inferiority complex. Back in middle school, these underclassmen [...]

FAKE Ground Control

Dear Ground Control, Why are all of your questions fake? Sincerely, An Underwhelmed Reader Dear Underwhelmed Reader, Wow, I’m hurt. Just kidding, I don’t dwell on small things, like your opinion and the questions submitted to the local newspaper [...]

Ground Control Illuminati Confrimed

Dear Ground Control, Truth or dare? Sincerely, Curious   Dear curious, Interesting question you pose. Okay, if you really think about it, truth is 5 letters, or is 2 letters, dare is 4 letters. 5 + 2 + 4 = 11. There are eleven players on [...]

Ground Control Stress and Kazooooooo

Dear Ground Control, I am struggling under the pressure of junior year so much that the few days where I get my homework done and I’m able to relax, I feel even more stressed about everything. What can I do? Sincerely, Forever Stressed   Dear [...]

Ground Control Christmas and College

Dear Ground Control, I am a senior and everyone around me seems stressed out over “college apps.” I’m afraid of sounding dumb to my friends but, what’s a “college app”? Sincerely, Confused (but not) in College   Dearest Confused, Ah, [...]


Dear Ground Control, With autumn comes everyone’s least favorite Starbucks drink: the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Recently, I have noticed that it doesn’t end there. IT’S EVERYWHERE. Pumpkin spice this and pumpkin spice that. I hate pumpkin spice. [...]

Ground Control

Dear Ground Control, What should I bring to college? I’m confused. Sincerely, Stumped Senior   Dear Senior, I have surveyed every college student I could find on campus, and, after some serious deliberation and very long and difficult [...]

Ground Control

Dear Ground Control, Every time I park my car in the neat striped spot, people yell at me. I don’t understand why people are being so mean. What do I do? Sincerely, Parking Perp   Dear Perp, After much thought about your problem, and [...]

Ground Control – FaceTime and Hangman

Dear Ground Control, My sister is always on FaceTime really loudly with her friends and it’s really annoying, but I feel like it’s rude to ask her to stop. Sincerely, Annoyed and Aggravated   Dear Aggravated, I’m afraid [...]

Ground Control: Going Goth and Looking for Love

Dear Ground Control, After how much I enjoyed the last class colors day, I decided that I like wearing all black. What are your tips to stay stylish while sporting this new goth look? Sincerely, Aspiring Goth   Dear Goth, You’ve come [...]
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