04252018 Headline:

The Apocalypses Happened…

 

Ground Control Illuminati Confrimed

Dear Ground Control, Truth or dare? Sincerely, Curious   Dear curious, Interesting question you pose. Okay, if you really think about it, truth is 5 letters, or is 2 letters, dare is 4 letters. 5 + 2 + 4 = 11. There are eleven players on [...]

Snark Attack Lunch Line

It’s so simple, but everyone always does it incorrectly: microwave courtesy. I mean, why are all the microwaves at RAHS REALLY ALWAYS SO STUPIDLY MESSY! It’s not that hard to put yourself in a line WITHOUT CUTTING!. Wait. Put your [...]

Snark Attack

Food. It’s more than important. It’s vital. Dealing with the stress of final projects, studying, and all of the other work that’s piled onto the poor devils here can be very difficult, and to add insult to injury, lunch lines that [...]

Ground Control Stress and Kazooooooo

Dear Ground Control, I am struggling under the pressure of junior year so much that the few days where I get my homework done and I’m able to relax, I feel even more stressed about everything. What can I do? Sincerely, Forever Stressed   Dear [...]

Snark Attack Printers

Ok, so the printers are pissing me off again. This time however, it’s not just the machine itself. It’s also the humans that operate these machines that really grind my gears. The printers themselves work off and on, and are never close [...]

Ground Control Christmas and College

Dear Ground Control, I am a senior and everyone around me seems stressed out over “college apps.” I’m afraid of sounding dumb to my friends but, what’s a “college app”? Sincerely, Confused (but not) in College   Dearest Confused, Ah, [...]

Snark Attack Fear of Change

  Snark Attack: Fear Change   To paraphrase one of my favorite quotes: “The only permanent things in this world are change and your inability to deal with it”   Let’s get one thing straight here, people. Everything changes, [...]

Ground Control TOO MUCH PUMPKIN

Dear Ground Control, With autumn comes everyone’s least favorite Starbucks drink: the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Recently, I have noticed that it doesn’t end there. IT’S EVERYWHERE. Pumpkin spice this and pumpkin spice that. I hate pumpkin spice. [...]

Snark Attack

You know what really grinds my gears? I’m getting heated just thinking about it. My blood boils with the heat of a thousand red suns. I’m full of uncontrollable, undeniable, uncomfortable, unimaginable, unintelligible, unceasing, uncanny, [...]

Ground Control

Dear Ground Control, What should I bring to college? I’m confused. Sincerely, Stumped Senior   Dear Senior, I have surveyed every college student I could find on campus, and, after some serious deliberation and very long and difficult [...]
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