My grades are going down. I’m trying to study every night, but I cannot seem to get motivated. Help.
~Help With Homework
The end of a long year full of tests you didn’t know about, projects where Wikipedia helped more than the partner you were assigned, homework your “dog ate,” exams you Tebowed for after passing, awkward dances where your teachers watch you try to twerk, classes that you learned how to sleep in. Your grades are failing Greek style? It’s cool, everyone gets a little tired. You would much rather rage with your friends then enjoy a nice steaming stack of homework. Most students are burned out by this time of the year because the weather is sunny, they would like to be anywhere else but here, activities are about to be in full swing, and seniors just want to move on to college. Pilot Jones just got out of school a couple of years ago, seven years at my local high school was enough for me. It’s safe to say when I got tired of studying, I buckled down and focused on annihilating the noobs on Xbox Live instead of my homework.
But that will not be your fate! School is like a marathon: after facing obstacles large and small, you lack the energy to finish, you hit a wall that seems you can’t break through, so you give up. Little do you know it’s almost over. The end of the year (the brick wall) is when you give it your all. It’s your final “hurrah,’’ your shining moment that proves your fortitude, and gives you something to look back on and be proud of. Let’s break through that wall. First thing I want you to do is motivate yourself: set up goals, but also make reasonable rewards so once you accomplish yatta yatta yatta. The second thing you should do is pat yourself on the back, you’ve come thus far somehow. You’re obviously capable of doing just a little bit more. And number three: DON’T GIVE UP. Don’t just crap out and lose all you’ve worked for, diligently take your school load step by step and next thing you know you’ll be sipping VIRGIN piña coladas on your friend’s dad’s boat with school being furthest from your mind.
BOOM PILOT JONES DOES IT AGAIN
Dear Pilot Jones,
What’s your opinion on girls asking out guys? And who do I ask?
Wow, I’ve always dreamed about this, a woman finally thinking outside the box, taking the risk. You are a true hero. You’re way nicer than girls from my generation. My highschool crush, Beyonce, broke my heart when she didn’t accept my Chuck-e-Cheese coupon promposal. I mean, I really shelled out too, it wasn’t just the coupon; I’m talking about the flowers I picked from that dog park, the home made card that possessed immaculate clip-art, AND 43 skee-ball tickets already won by me! But we’ve both moved on to bigger and better things. Well, I have, her singing career got a little buzz and she can afford a lineup, but nothing big has happened to her after “us.” Guys your age are going through a tough time: adolescence. It brings a lot of crazy lovey gushy feelings. Every man has had a time in his life where his encounters with the opposite sex have made him cower in fear. Some cases getting shut down, some working out perfect, regardless you’ll live to see another day. I’m going to tell you like one of my sons, be brave, why not give it a shot? The worst that can happen is a “no” and some awkward looks in the hall, which you will get over eventually. BUT DON’T BOTHER ASKING IF HE’S JUST LOOKS. Don’t pass up on that total package of a nerd with the braces and acne, playing on his computer in the corner, he’s probably a really interesting, thoughtful person, whose looks will kick in a little later in life; for some 6’3 schlub that barely knows his ABC’s and starts every sentence with, “Dude,” or my all time favorite, “Brooooo”. So in the end, my opinion about girls asking guys out (which it totally okay by me, guys here are too scared), it’s about if you like that guy enough to pop the question.