Ground Control Christmas and College

Dear Ground Control,

I am a senior and everyone around me seems stressed out over “college apps.” I’m afraid of sounding dumb to my friends but, what’s a “college app”?


Confused (but not) in College


Dearest Confused,

Ah, college applications. Only the MOST important thing EVER. Every moment in your young life has prepared you to apply to colleges. Best part? The college you get in (or don’t) determines your worth for the rest of your meager existence. So get going, because half the deadlines have already passed and your parents’ disappointment is growing.

Not joking,

Ground Control

Oh wait, maybe I am. Maybe, just maybe, college apps do not determine the rest of your life. A healthy amount of stress is okay — it keeps you on top of things — but please don’t hurt yourself simply because you have a deadline next week. I hate to sound cheesy, but a lot of seniors need to hear it right now: only you can decide what becomes of your life. Whether that be applying to the top Ivy League or deciding that college isn’t for you, college isn’t what defines you. Your choice in college doesn’t make you any better or worse of a person. Only you control that! So work hard, but remember to play hard as well.

All my love,

Ground Control

Dear Ground Control,

All of my friends are angry at me because I have started playing Christmas music 24/7. I think I am brightening their spirits but they don’t seem too happy about it. So, I gotta ask, when is it okay to listen to Christmas music?


Jolly in July


Dear Jolly,

Ho ho hold up, you’re listening to Christmas music already? It is most definitely not Christmas time yet, Thanksgiving hasn’t even passed! The most common rule around Christmas music is waiting until Thanksgiving is over. So WAIT.

I promise you will get your fair share of Christmas music throughout the month of December. With 24 hours a day for 31 days, that’s 744 hours of straight Christmas music, assuming that in your jolly state you do not sleep. That’s 44,640 minutes, meaning you can listen to “Last Christmas” by Wham! (4:37) 9,669.3 times. That’s quite enough, honey.

I know, I know, it’s already snowed. But so what? Just because it was extra cold does not mean you should force catchy tunes into other’s heads for an extra month of the year. If I have to hear Mariah Carey’s voice echoing through my ear cavity one more time in November, I will slit someone’s throat. You know what? All I want for Christmas is some peace and quiet.

Once Thanksgiving hits, however, go crazy! Play your holly jolly music on full blast at home! In the car! On Spotify that shouldn’t be downloaded on your school laptop! At your grandpa’s funeral! Everywhere!! Everywhere except around me.

Let it stop!

Ground Control

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