Tribesmen worship strange children in costumes


Tribesmen are very enthusiastic about worshiping Archimedes by mimicking him. Photo by Joshua Stuek

ociologists working with Raisbeck Geographic have been studying the Noitaiva tribe for long enough to observe a pattern in the behavior of the tribe’s worship. There is a lot of physical evidence and observed behavior that points to the worship and admiration of three different gods. There is an annual pattern the tribesmen seem to follow–some rituals are only tri-annual, while others are daily.

The Noitavia appear to participate in a religion in which they worship three separate gods. These gods are Archimedes (AR-KUH-MEE-DEE-S), who is represented as a large, fiery bird, Newton (NOO-TUH-N), who is represented by a skunk, and a strange, nameless black and white bird that they seem to believe is on fire.

While the entire tribe worships Archimedes, only certain clans worship Newton and the burning puffin. The clan of the metal war machines worships Newton, while the clan of rapid argument worships the smouldering raven. This is interesting, because while each of the other clans sport a god, the clan of tinkering appears to practice a sort of atheism.

Lead Sociologist with Raisbeck Geographic, Frederick Notwen, was extremely surprised when he found a statue that appears to depict one of the tribesmen’s three main gods, ignited zebra bird.

“Despite what the name suggests, it is not actually on fire,” said Notwen. “Why the tribesmen call him this despite his true appearance, we may never know. We think that they do this to make him appear or sound more intimidating to clans from tribes outside theirs, despite his cute and cuddly appearance.”

On a daily basis, around midday, there is a sacrifice to the gods. Many tribesmen trade currency of sorts for food provided by the feeding grounds, and after consuming ⅔ of this food, they sacrifice the other ⅓ of their meal into a bin of collection that goes to the gods.

After digging through the bins of sacrifice, Notwen was surprised with what they found.

“We ran some tests on the nutritional value of the food, it wasn’t even kind of nutritious,” said Notwen. “When we had our intern taste it, he said it was like cardboard. This appears to have no actual value to the gods: it’s just a gesture that pleases them.”

In a much larger, tri-annual worshiping ceremony called spirit week, tribesmen wear traditional Noitaivan clothing and warpaint. The warpaint and ensemble change from day to day during this week of worship, however, it seems to follow a common idea. Tribesmen often spend large amounts of time interacting with Archimedes during this time. Sociologist Payton Madson investigated further into this topic.

There are many seemingly random events throughout the week. Many rituals are performed, largely involving food consumed in copious amounts. There are also ceremonies in which tribesmen are put into a pit and made fun of, like a circus animal in a cage. The timing of this coincides with the times gods can look upon the tribesmen from the heavens.

Tribesmen believe that these actions during the grand weeks of worship will earn them honor with the gods. Oftentimes the god Archimedes will bless the tribesmen who are most involved with these ceremonies by embracing the tribesmen in a ceremonial clasping of hands or arms. Tribesmen often duplicate this ceremonies as what might be a sign of respect to the gods, and a sign of respect among each other.

During weeks of worship, Archimedes is most often found near the feeding grounds. It is rumored that Archimedes descends among the tribe near the chamber of enlightenment belonging to Elder Fitz. However, Newton is found more sporadically near the war machine room and with his clan. The smoking toucan is rarely seen in the temple of learning, though it is said that tribesmen from his clan can channel his spirit while engaging in tribal battles.

“It’s amazing that the minor gods [the fiery dodo and Newton] are able to go from the temple of learning even though the Noitaiva’s major god [Archimedes] can’t,” said Notwen. “It’s probably because the tribesman trapped him in the temple so he will stay where they can worship him.”


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