11252017 Headline:

The astounding development of the Noitaiva tribesmen

Researchers look in-depth at how tribesmen progress over time

By Atticus Bishop

For two years Raisbeck Geographic researchers have speculated over the development of the natives, but with new in-depth studies fascinating information has come into light. As our researchers observe these strange and backward people, development over time spent in the tribe becomes more and more apparent.

The youngest tribesmen are, for the most part, loud and obnoxious amongst themselves, but shy and awkward in the presence of older tribesmen. They have difficulty communicating with older tribesmen and elders, and often huddle in groups like penguins to avoid confrontation.

Excited by their new environment, the youth show strange behavior, such as radical introversion or even unexpected outgoingness. The latter is often expressed in futile attempts to socialize with their older counterparts, occasionally even the threatening females.

Thorough studies on these young tribesmen showed tendencies to get lost and disoriented in their new environments. Biologists have concluded that this is due to their young brains not being fully developed.

The claim that the younger tribesmen have underdeveloped brains may also account for their inability to recognize social status. While the older tribesmen have no trouble in understanding that their younger relatives are at the bottom of the pack, the youngest tribesmen seem to have no understanding of social order.

They can be paralleled to the impotent child of modern society: they believe they have actual influence over the people around them, when in reality the people around just appease them in an attempt to get them to stop talking.

As the first castes grow older, the once shy and quiet tribesmen appear to lose a degree of social anxiety, to the expense of everyone else. Rather than displaying shyness with flashes of confidence, they become entirely full of themselves.

The second-stage tribesmen gain a powerful ability: the ability to operate mechanical-powered quadricycles. This development is what many researchers agree contributes to their sense of superiority and specialness.

In their next stage of development, the tribesmen become less obnoxious, but more dependent on coffee and other powerful energy-boosting narcotics. The explanation for their heightened dependence on these drugs is that they become more caught up with their demanding sessions of learning and ever-present “home-wurk.”

Towards the end of the third caste the tribesmen exhibit wild behavior. They cut back on sleep and sociality and use their extra time to operate their boxes of light in close proximity to large, open books. This is a ritual the tribespeople have been heard to call studying, an exercise in devotion to their academics and gods.

This ritual is very important to the third caste’s tribesmen because, like practicing a religion, it defines whether or not they will make a transition into their afterlife, and even what type of afterlife they will go into.

The final development of the tribesmen sees them become more relaxed, but experience a spike in confidence. Under the realization that they are close to their final migration, they once again show unity unseen since their arrival at the tribe.

Unfortunately for the younger tribesmen, the lack of caring displayed by the oldest tribesmen manifests itself in their speaking their minds more frequently. The consensus among biologists is that once they realize they’re on their way out, they lose a filter on what they say and do.

This crippling disease is known as “Senioritis” and can even infect those in the lower castes if the fourth caste isn’t careful–there is a correlation between those who swap saliva with the fourth caste and those who catch it, so it must be contagious.

The mental and physical changes undergone by the tribesmen is confusing and often inexplicable. Although they develop vastly through the years, each of the tribesmen goes through similar stages in pursuit of happiness, holiness, and the afterlife.

 

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