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Raisbeck Geographic Intro Piece

By C.J. Crowder

Two years ago, a small society of natives were discovered deep in the heart of the Duwamish River Valley. They are simply known as the Noitaiva (NOY-TAY-VA). Raisbeck Geographic has followed the Noitaiva people since they were found, and has studied their behavior in depth. The group is strange, and some of their tendencies might frighten younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

Raisbeck Geographic has learned from the Q13 Fox organization to treat the tribespeople with great respect. Q13 encroached on their territory without consulting the chieftain beforehand, and this caused members of the Noitaiva to lash out at the Q13 reporters. They were quickly driven off the campus with threats of being brutally mutilated and forced to listen to native music, in that order.

The society’s location is unpleasant at best, and outright deadly at worst, with a path that carries quadricycles moving dangerously fast and a river with toxic waste concealed in its depths. To shelter themselves from this hostile environment the Noitaiva people house themselves in a large, strangely shaped building that is surrounded by eulogies of their strange gods. The building almost resembles the gods, with complex curvature and strange protrusions.

The area around the site is surrounded by a temple seemingly dedicated to a branch of their pantheon of deities, and a large area filled with discarded quadricycles and waste repositories in varying states of disrepair; but most surprisingly, recent studies have shown the entire natural environment has been mysteriously enveloped in an astonishing, persistent coating of bioaccumulative industrial toxins that no other self-respecting human community would ever tolerate.

Raisbeck Geographic is proud to offer this exclusive research, and educate our privileged readers about the struggles of this noble but uncivilized people, and explore how this primitive society has managed to remain in such stunting isolation amidst the more sophisticated and developed human societies that surround them.

To reach the location, Raisbeck Geographic reporters had to travel deep into unknown and hazardous territory, as the society is very remote and reclusive. We had limited understanding of the native dialect, but linguistics experts have managed to interpret their language fairly well.

The Noitaiva are fairly passive and peaceful in nature except when threatened, and we did not have any negative interactions with the tribesmen until the end of our study, when one of our researchers tried to play the native game of “basquetball.”

The Noitaiva have a rich culture, and many intriguing attributes that our researchers discovered. They all look different from each other, and sometimes their differences set them apart. Our researchers witnessed a scuffle when one tribesman called another a “scrub.”

These disputes seem rare, as the Noitava appear to be frightened of each other, always trying to impress their fellow tribespeople and never disgrace themselves. One topic on which many seemingly intellectual fights break out is copulation rights, due to the large disparity between male and female population size.

There seem to be infinite disagreements between tribespeople, ranging from arguments over who gets to ride “shotgun” in the motorized quadricycles to which of their gods is superior. These fights are usually ruthless and intense before being dropped and forgotten in a matter of minutes.

The Noitaiva have many different cultural and spiritual gatherings on a seemingly tight schedule. With gatherings that include dancing, seemingly essential spiritual activities, and making fun of the chieftain. During these times, the chieftain seemingly don’t react to the teasing, as if they fear being outnumbered by the tribespeople.

Raisbeck Geographic has taken a bold leap into the unknown by studying the Noitaiva people, braving grave dangers and emotional stress. The Noitaiva will continue living their strange, primitive lives and will carry on fighting over pointless things and worshipping vehicles. Although they are so different from us, they share many similarities that make us human.

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